Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize