Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
