It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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