Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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