the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
