just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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