I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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