Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
