I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
