At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
