You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
