If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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