I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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