dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
