But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
