i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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