so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
