I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
