The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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