My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
