Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
