what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize