Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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