my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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