My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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