He uses pillows to masturbate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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