i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
