Where is the hickey?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
