she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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