Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
