Umm I'm too high to move.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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