He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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