I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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