Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
