why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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