We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
