If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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