Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
