She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
