Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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