There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So squirting runs in the family.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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