the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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