there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
