i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
