omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bring me that man meat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
