My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
