My friends, they love my intelligence
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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