I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
