He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
