it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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