You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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