What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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