my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
