used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
