Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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