Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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