Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
