my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
