You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
