Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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