i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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