You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
