I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
