I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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