And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
