I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
