as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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