Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
