dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
